Folks, sharing some thoughts on the recent trip of a not so distant cousin of Shri Brahmos Ji to the Land of the Pure.
So once upon a time, there lived near a small, nondescript town, a young lad who aspired to run .. run as fast as he could .. run beyond the speed of sound .. and run straight into the lands of the impure ones not very far away in order to fulfill his destiny.
A thorough team player, he would never complete a sentence without referring to his Bros. So let’s call him Mah’Bros for the sake of this story, so as to not let out his true identity!
So Shri Mah’Bros Ji trained hard during his growing up years, and by the time he became a teen, he could actually run really fast. But the way his brains were programmed, meant that his elders kept him on a tight leash, lest he go and run amok!
But they did take good care to keep him well exercised so that whenever needed, he could actually run into the lands of the impure and do whatever was expected of him.
All was fine and dandy, till one day when he suddenly found his tethers loosened!
He couldn’t believe his luck and decided to make a go for it!!
And before anyone could yell ‘Oye Pakad Usko’, our guy Mah’Bros had already gotten a headstart!!
Oh he ran .. and how! Soon he was at nearly 40,000 feet above sea level where atmospheric resistance was minimal and the inevitable happened – a BOOM!
After the initial ‘shock’, he suddenly remembered a Class IX Physics lesson about speed of sound and some such useless stuff .. and realized he’d made a personal speed record!
Meanwhile down in Sirsa, people could only stare at the mooli parantha vapours he had left in his wake!
As he flew blissfully, singing the ageless Kishore Kumar song ‘Chala Jaata Hoon’, there was a sudden itch on the left side of his metallic body which caught him by surprise and made him turn to his right.
It was a moment before he realised that he had actually crossed the borders and was flying over the lands of the impure. ‘Otteri .. mera Passport!!’, he thought as he ‘strayed’ across the borders. But then with all that fire behind his backside, he could not help but keep moving!
Mah’Bros couldn’t help but curse Shri Newton Ji who had come up with his third law, which was now propelling him faster and faster towards .. err .. Mian Channu, as he checked out on his google maps!
Thinking on the fly (pun may or may not be intended!), our man Mah’Bros decided to stop by that town and seek directions back home. So he decided to find a suitable place to ‘touch down’.
THIS was when he realised a deadly problem – he had no brakes!!
‘Ohhhh … Shiiitttt …’ he cried out for a moment, before grim determination took over as he realised his true purpose in life – to scare the Shiiittt of those in the lands of the impure!
Thus, he made a beeline for an open space because, well, he wasn’t at war .. YET!
Soon he landed in the erstwhile lands of his forefathers .. with a DHAMAKA .. what with his supersonic speed and all that!
In his last moments before all went blank, he yelled some ‘not so parliamentary’ words for the unfortunate souls down below which he had picked up while binge watching Netflix over the past few months!
A million curses were cast upon them before Shri Mah’Bros ji died!
That was the end of the body of Shri Mah’Bros Ji.
Soon his predecessors’ souls appeared and started to take him to his allotted plot in the heavens above. As he rose once again (this time WITHOUT the fire behind his backside!), he took a look down where his body lay, destroyed!
Thanks to the sheer kinetic energy that he had generated, quite a bit of the area around his mortal remains had been flattened, even without the explosive payload that he would have otherwise carried.
NOW he understood his own potential, and those of the hundreds of his clones back home!
Once they did a similar run with their warheads, the ‘Flat Earth Society’ would definitely make them honorary members because they would ensure the flattening of a large chunk of land!!
He wanted to linger on just a bit longer, just to see how the Brown Panted Ones that ruled the lands of the impure, would now react. You see, he was a keen, though silent follower of a wonderful twitter handle of Shri Harpreet Ji and knew there would be a thread soon!
But alas, it was not to be. So with a humble bow to his motherland to the East and silent prayer that he would be able to get broadband in the heavens above in order to follow the thread, Shri Mah’Bros Ji ascended to the heavens above!
On the ground however, things were .. well .. flat!
The headless chickens had started running around and soon photos of his mortal remains were running amok on social media, though not as fast as he had run!
‘It’s a Bird .. No, It’s a Plane .. No, It’s Shri Superman Ji,’people cried variously!
Finally, the Brown Panted Ones made an appearance & took over the area!
Soon, an initial consensus formed that it was a bit too metallic to be a bird or Shri Superman Ji. So it was a plane!
Of course, it was a private aircraft, as the ‘good’ folks of Dawn reported. But thanks to the technological advancements in the lands of the impure, even private aircrafts had ejection seats and the pilot had ejected.
However, this factual error was the least of the worries of Shri Editor Ji of Dawn Ji. He checked and re-checked the word ‘ejected’, atleast 13 times and then to be doubly sure, checked it thrice again. You see, he didn’t want to lose his job like this Mohtarma below!
So .. the story was published!
And the Brown Panted Ones carried on clearing and cleaning the area, much like they had done to a supposedly non-existent terror camp for 42 days after 26 Feb 2019!
Meanwhile, peoples of the lands of the impure kept harping upon TWO blasts!
Thankfully, the second blast was attributed to some high quality pindi chana consumed by this Minister Ji in Islamabad, who actually got De-Panted in the process, much like the Brown Panted Ones!
For the next 48 hours, the Brown Panted Ones kept a studied silence, especially since the loss of hundreds of their ‘Otherwise Panted’ comrades of Balakot and the two unfortunate pilots a day later was still fresh in their minds!
They tried their BESTESTto clean up the supposed cold-storage facility even as their higher ups STILL ran around in circles, seeking an explanation. Finally, a call was taken and they decided to do an ‘URGENT‘ press conference, about 48hrs after Sh Mah’Bros had embraced Virgati!
Out came the latest Propagandu-in-Chief!
This one was a bit better rehearsed than his predecessor who had ‘inadvertently’ let out the loss of an F-16 in his exuberance to be the ‘FIRSTEST‘ to break news of Shri Abhinandan Ji’s exploits!
To sum up, the Brown Panted Ones expressed their outrage in a very polite and ‘sehmi sehmi’ language since everyone and also wikipedia knows the actual capability of the 100s of Bros of Sh Mah’Bros Ji which had spooked them into releasing Shri Abhinandan not so long ago!
In fact, rumour mills also have it that this time he was wearing knee braces as well, just in case someone saw his own knees shaking, as was the case with the Brown Pants-in-Chief in Feb 2019 at the mention of Sh Mah’Bros Ji and his brothers by the Indians!
Anyhow, the Propagandu-in-Chief managed to give out a brilliant graphic for which his agency is the most renowned for. In this, he described the last and the longest run of Sh Mah’Bros Ji who had come nearly 124 km inside the lands of the impure, that too WITHOUT any visa!
‘YES!! We had tracked him!!!’, the Propagandu-in-Chief crowed .. apparently in the memory of the crows that his predecessor had killed on the day of the Balakot strike!
‘YES, India will explain’, he thundered with clenched fists and an involuntarily clenched butt!!
Soon, the clean-up squads of the Brown Panted Ones vacated the ‘वीरगति स्थल’ of Sh Mah’Bros Ji and their malnourished populace rushed in to make TikTok videos of the terror unleashed upon them by him in his last moments!
Of course, with a better knowledge of what transpired, the Air Chief was able to explain what Shri Mah’Bros Ji did to the Lands of the Impure with the help of some simple hand gestures which the Beggar-in-Chief, with his limited technical knowhow, could easily comprehend!
Soon came the response by India. ‘It was a mistake’, they said. But they said it right under the phrase ‘हर काम देश के नाम’, much to the satisfaction of the soul of Shri Mah’Bros Ji!
CHEATING CHEATING.. cried the Brown Panted Ones.
The Beggar in Chief also had this to say!
Meanwhile, social media in the lands of the impure was going ballistic! HOW DARE THEY, HAINJI?, some said, while the others crowed about now reverse engineering the body of Shri Mah’Bros!
But the reverse engineering jokers didn’t know one thing – Shri Mah’Bros Ji had ensured utter and complete destruction of any useful body part of his! At best, the Brown Panted ones could sell the leftovers for some scrap metal and feel happy at the jump in their GDP!
Then there were those who were crying for retaliation! NUKE THEM, some said. SEND OUR OWN MISSILES, others said. KEEL THEM ALL, more shouted.
Meanwhile, the Propagandu-in-Chief was furiously working on releasing the next song about the Mah’Bros issue in order to improve his TRPs!
You see, he was well and truly aware of his ‘Soft Power’ and the lack of any ‘Hard Power’ to go with it, which had come back to bite his predecessors bumpy after India had abrogated Article 370!